Birthmothers: Women Who Have Relinquished Babies for Adoption Tell Their Stories - Softcover

Candid, often moving report on the experiences of some 70 women who gave up their babies for adoption. Jones (Stepmothers, 1992--not reviewed) uses questionnaires and in-depth interviews to explore what relinquishing their children means to birthmothers and how the experience has affected their lives. Working with a small, nonrandom sample, the author doesn't pretend to present the definitive birthmother portrait: Her subjects are largely mainstream, emotionally stable women who have come to terms with their experience. All gave up their babies at least seven years ago, some more than twenty years ago. Each of the stories--told pseudonymously and usually verbatim--begins with the discovery of the pregnancy and includes the decision-making process (in which the mother often feels left out), delivery, relinquishment, and return to so-called normal life, which for most of these women means marriage and children. Denial, grief, and anger are common, as are nightmares, phobias, and depression; some women report suicide attempts, abusive relationships, and abandoned careers. When these birthmothers tried to find their children, the outcomes were often disappointing and sometimes even disastrous. While acknowledging that her sample is hardly scientific, Jones constructs a profile of the ``birthmother syndrome,'' which she sees as having an underlying theme of loss and hopelessness. She favors changing adoption structures to provide a place for birthmothers in the children's adoptive families--an arrangement that, she says, would give them ``legally protected open acknowledgement, recognition, and dignity.'' What it might do to the families is not carefully examined. A touching portrayal of the plight of women forced to give up their babies--although Jones's solution seems inadequately considered. (First serial to New Woman) -- Copyright ©1993, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

With so many situations involving adoptive versus birth parents in the news lately, Birthmothers is timely. The subject is awkward and delicate, but at least now the fact of having "relinquished" (the term Jones uses) one's child carries less stigma, and here it's handled both with tact and great detail. Dreams, unexplained fears, and marital problems--say, if the birth father was not the husband--are among the issues Jones discusses, along with those difficult, feared yet longed-for meetings with the grown children of relinquishers. Most disturbingly, Jones writes of birth parents who became sexually involved with their sons and daughters. Now that birth mothers are more able to come out of the closet, it is estimated that there are six million in the U.S. This fascinating book will surely be read by adoptees and relinquishers alike--as well as by those considering adoption and, one hopes, those considering relinquishing their children. Jo Peer-Haas